I Can Fix This

You know how there are days or weeks that just seem to happen and you forget to do something or return a call? My life has been like that for the past year. I am such a bad time manager and a procrastinator. It would seem like my priorities are in the right order and that I have my ducks in a row but lately, all I see is a sea of ducks with no order whatsoever.
I seem to be pushing people away with no rhyme or reason as to why. I have a problem. When something interests me or excites me, I focus all of my energy on that one thing and often at the expense of other things. Recently, I have somewhat alienated my aunt, my roommates, my sister, my parents, my best friends, anyone who seems to think I need to spend more time with them. For someone as social as me, this is somewhat surprising...I am also incredibly stubborn, as anyone who knows me can tell you. This is causing me problems too. Whenever someone says I should do something, I immediately do the opposite or drag my heels to do it.
The major focus of my life right now is my boyfriend and I have fallen into the trap, as I always do, of focusing on him and only him and it is costing me relationships and time.
My family is the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Despite all the heartache, troubles and tribulations we have been through, we always seem to come out on top. My mom handles anything that is or even resembles anything financial or business like. My dad takes care of our spacious house and cooks so many delicious meals. My sister, though I cannot do her justice on this blog, does more for me than she will ever know. She is like a rock that stands at my side, and while I beat on her with my emotions, she stands steady, listens and is always there with an answer or comforting shoulder to lean on. My friends and family deserve better of me than what I have been giving them.
I feel as though I have lost faith in a lot of things over the years. Some of my problems I believe is that I have lost faith in me. My boyfriend is someone who can regale stories of his love life for an hour and then only stop to catch his breath. Though I realize that this is no longer his life, and I have no doubts of that, I have the lowest self esteem of almost anyone I know. Sure, I can fake it and pretend to think I am incredibly awesome but I just don't see myself that way. I am overweight, overbearing, lazy and disrespectful. To say the least. I realize that I do have some redeeming qualities and my parents, my friends/roommates, my sister, and my boyfriend do a wonderful job reminding me of them but for 20 years I have thought that I wasn't good enough for anyone. To be honest, I am terrified that someone will come along and want my boyfriend. I know he is faithful and he would never cheat on me just as I would never cheat on him but I have this absurd fear that if I stop talking to him or if he can't talk to me whenever he wants, that he will just up and walk away to bigger and better things on the horizon. As I am writing this, I realize how absurd that is and that because of the person he is, he would never do that but as soon as I stop typing, the fear begins to creep in again and I want it to stop! I will not be controlled by fear!
Starting now, I am going to fix this. I am better than this. I am capable of maintaining more than one relationship and starting now, I am going to manage my time better, prioritize in the right way, find a balance, reach out and first and foremost, be a better me.